A search for something

 I remember as a child seeing a programme on TV showing Thai monks on an alms round. They walked so silently as if leaving no trace with their feet. I never forgot it.
I had always had something spiritual in my life. I went to church from an early age, then to a convent and then to university.

I fell in love; read Carlos Castaneda; stopped taking drugs and overindulging in so called “sense pleasures”. My boyfriend started learning meditation and this encouraged me to start myself.

I started to go to a meditation class and also went to discussions with an excellent Samatha teacher who brought so much understanding to how things are. It was wonderful to meditate on something so simple as the breath. Even for 5 minutes a day it was magical to find a moments peace among the hurly-burly of life. Mind you I was always hoping for “firework” experiences but often, of course, I just had an experience of stillness or aching knees.

Previously I had “timeless” and visionary experiences. Once, at church, as a girl of 9 or so, I saw God’s grace as light coming through the tall stained glass windows and I felt strong love.

After I had begun practice on another occasion it felt like all matter was transformed into a colourful ever-changing experience where there was no “me” just love. I felt “yes” there is a path beyond the mundane and I believed that the freedom of Nibbāna is a reality. I also found that practice gave me a sense of protection, a zest for life and some good nights sleep.