From early beginnings...

My early upbringing in the Catholic Church and at a Catholic school gave me a strong connection with religion and spirituality. Much of it was to with duty and obligation but I recall enjoying prayer and singing Latin masses. Confession became more of a problem as I grew up – looking inwardly at feelings of sin and guilt was uncomfortable and practical issues like birth control were a problem when I got married. When I moved away from home I stopped going to church.

I was glad to do this but I felt I had a gap, although I had no idea how to fill it. I read a little on philosophy, and the need to find some deeper meaning in life seemed to grow over the next 10–12 years. At this time I read my first Buddhist book, by Christmas Humphreys, and got interested in TM, although I never pursued it. I moved abroad for 2 years and on returning took a different career path – this was a major change and I was ready to act on the spiritual side.

The opportunity came with an introduction to philosophy course run by SES (School of Economic Science) which included many aspects of religion and which I found very interesting and useful. I had my first experience of meditation using a mantra, but did not make a deep connection with it. I also learned something about mindfulness/waking up, which was more helpful. After about 5 years I felt I had gone as far as I wished to and left. Then there was a gap of about 2 years when I again felt the need for a spiritual path but wasn’t sure where to find it.

Then I saw a poster for a meditation class and went along. Nothing dramatic happened but I found the practice easier to do than the other ones I had learned. The talks were interesting and I found the reporting process(where one talks about the meditation practice with the teacher) a good way to express feelings and deal with inner confusion. Visits to monasteries at Amaravati and Harnham gave me a sense of reverence for an ordained sangha and over several years I enjoyed reading books by Ajahn Sumedho, Thich Nhat Hanh, Ayya Khema, Jack Kornfield, Sharon Salzburg and others, which all inspired me with the possibilities they offered. I felt this was something I wanted to do, that it was a path worth following.

My first meditation week was memorable mainly for the effect I noticed when I returned: how crude and noisy the world was, how I seemed to be lost in thought and thoughtless activity so much of the time. I also learned chanting at the retreat for the first time and found that a good thing to do. After this, regular practice became important.